Win-win revisited

Mortgage bankers play for keeps. Literally. Recent negotiations with my mortgage lender reminded me that they only care about their bottom line. I offered my win-win strategy to the senior banker and he wasn't much interested. When I first wrote about predatory versus win-win or mutually beneficial interactions, I implied that mutually beneficial interactions were more evolved, and therefore always preferable.

I now update my stance. Now I am thinking: Always look to create mutually beneficial interactions, but first assess what level of consciousness the other party is coming from. If it is mutually beneficial, proceed openly. But if it is predatory (they want to take what you have), then interact according to their level of consciousness.

So realizing the senior banker's intent was to get as much money out of me as he could, I adjusted to a more aggressive, protect my assets stance. This is perhaps an obvious example, but hearing their intent and responding accordingly is an important distinction when the situation gets less clear-cut.

Otherwise, if we come to the interaction with a win-win approach and the other party is more predatory, we set ourselves up for the slaughter. Kind of like the proverbial taking a knife to a gunfight. No more fighting with our hands tied behind our backs.

So bring it senior banker. If you want a fight, I'll play with your deck of cards. But I will play to win. And when I kick your ass and take all the chips, I won't even feel bad about it.

Because you picked the deck of cards.

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