The wall of fear

You're talking to someone and having a good time. You're laughing and enjoying each others' company. Then you mention something and everything shifts. They start getting defensive. They start putting obstacles between the two of you. They become much more distant and unavailable all of a sudden. The energy of your interaction totally shifts. What just happened, you say to yourself? You just ran into the wall of fear.

You can invite them to cross over the wall, but they must be willing. Most of the time all you can do is smile and walk away. It always feels a little sad. And it usually catches you a little off-guard- you go from close to distant really quickly.

But just understanding what that the wall of fear is- makes it easier to deal with. The first thing to realize is it has nothing to do with you. It may have to do with what you represent to them. It may even have to do with getting too close to them. But these things are not about you. They are reacting to images of you. It is essential to not personalize it.

And you may have a wall of fear too. Next time you want to withdraw and run from something, remember how it felt to be on the other side of the wall. Instead of withdrawing, you can ask, "What is it that I am so afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen here?"

Then take a deep breath and walk through your wall of fear. As soon as you challenge it, your reality and belief systems will change.

You, after all, just survived your wall of fear. And come to find there is life on the other side of it.

1 comment (Add your own)

1. Winter wrote:
Way to go on this essay, heelpd a ton.

Fri, November 4, 2011 @ 4:45 AM

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