Insisting on respect

Another excerpt from the draft of my upcoming book, Your Natural Gift in which I am describing the natural gift of respect:

Respect has to start with respect for yourself and your own heart. It is stopping people when they interrupt you, abuse you, or take you for granted. Bart Anderson used to teach people the mind-set of, “I care too much about myself to allow you to treat me that away.”

Anderson further posited that you get respect by taking it. By insisting on it. He argued that the often cited method of offering respect to others so they in turn offer it back to you simply does not work. In short, this is because the people who would disrespect you do not understand or care about respect. So you have to take it. You have to insist that they treat you with respect. Not by violence, but by asking them to and meaning it. Most times people will concur. If not, you can ask them to leave or leave yourself. It is saying, "I refuse to be a part of this."

Once you have established the insistence on respect for yourself, it is natural to hold that space for other people. This is the gift. It is not an easy path. It takes courage and strength. People who carry this gift will often insist on hearing what the person that just got cut off or discounted thinks. It may mean stopping other people in their tracks when they disrespect someone. It often hurts their feelings or angers them. But the idea that all people deserve respect matters to people who carry this gift. And they are willing to act on it- despite whether or not people want to hear it. And in one sense, it is a gift to them as well.

So people tend to feel safe around people that walk with the gift of respect. It sends a signal to the previously disrespected that their heart is important enough to stand for and protect. So important that they hopefully start insisting on respect for themselves.

This insistence on respect almost always has to be modeled. To the previously disrespected, the idea or possibility of insisting that other people respect them often never even occurs to them. They have no point of reference. They have often never seen it and certainly do not feel they deserve it. The look on people’s faces when someone first insists that another respects them is often one of bewilderment. It is the look that someone finally noticed that they are alive, and that they mattered.

Someone finally cared. Cared enough to offer them the gift of respect.

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