Connecting with others is not an intellectual process

Our intellect is like a computer. It processes and accesses information.

It is not meant to take the place of your instincts and intuition. Connecting with others in social situations is not an intellectual process. This requires discernment and social judgment- which are not born of the intellect. Connecting with others comes from the gut. It goes by feel. It is creative and spontaneous. It is art.

Many try to make connecting with others an intellectual process. It is safe. It does not hurt as much when you get rejected. You don't have to feel the stress of how you affected others. You don't have to get any on you.

So... people imitate genuine social connection and try to pull it off intellectually. It doesn't work. It always feels contrived. You cannot connect with someone with your intellect- at least with any depth. So it never really feels right. The people you interact with walk away unfulfilled. Their need for human connection did not get met. Yours didn't either. This leads to loneliness and depression in yourself and the people who are trying to get close to you.

If you know someone that is intellectual in social interactions- try to engage them. Invite them to be real and spontaneous. It may make them uncomfortable, but it is their only hope for human connection. If you cannot entice them to interact from their heart, you will have to find other people to meet your emotional needs.

So... take some social risks. Say what comes to you. Spontaneously express how you feel- even if you don't know the outcome. Throw away that intellectual filter you run everything through. It may lead to some awkward experiences- but at least they are real. And they are honest. You will get better at it the more you do it.

You get to connect with people again. You will feel more vital and alive. And... there is no place for depression and loneliness.

6 comments (Add your own)

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