Betrayal and unspoken contracts

All relationships are contractual. Many of these contracts (or mutual agreements) are unspoken and assumed. Whether we are aware of it or discussed it, we created contracts with the people that we have relationships with. Betrayal happens when when one or the people in the relationship believes a contract was broken.

Some of our deepest betrayals happen in childhood- often with our parents. This is largely because there are vitally important unspoken contracts between the parent and child. They include: the parent will keep the child safe–physically and emotionally, the parent will love the child unconditionally, and the parent will be involved in the child's life. When these contracts are broken by the parent, the child feels betrayed.

These childhood betrayals often form primary emotional charges or core issues. They also create limiting self-beliefs in the child such as: I am unlovable, I am deficient, I am unworthy, I am inadequate, etc. The child inevitably carries these primary charges and limiting self-beliefs into adulthood.

So when we feel betrayed as an adult, it is often inordinately painful due to it re-stimulating one of those childhood betrayals. An example includes allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and then being judged by someone that we have written an unconditional love contract with. This may trigger a primary betrayal of our parent(s) not being able to accept us as we were when we were a child.

The good news is that when we get betrayed and stumble upon one of these primary charges, it gives us the opportunity to heal it. This involves deep emotional work including accepting necessary loss, realizing the parents betraying us was not about us, and unplugging the consequent self-beliefs.

However, this daunting and painful process is exponentially worth it– as freeing ourselves from the reoccurring pain of betrayal and limiting self-belief is priceless.

13 comments (Add your own)

1. Panasonic Camera Reviews wrote:
You guys did a great job spending your time to create this article! If I had to explain my emotions about your website in only one word ? it would be WOW! Thank you! P.S. Subscribed for updates!

Sun, April 1, 2012 @ 10:35 AM

2. Valarie N. Springer wrote:
This is the right blog for anyone who wants to find out about this topic. You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great! is my website.

Thu, April 5, 2012 @ 5:53 PM

3. Houston Astros wrote:
I ran into this page on accident, surprisingly, this is a wonderful website. The site owner has carried out a superb job of putting it together, the info here is really insightful. You just secured yourself a guarenteed reader.

Sat, April 14, 2012 @ 2:15 AM

4. Art wrote:
Please let me know if you're looking for a article writer for your weblog. You have some really good posts and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an e-mail if interested. Many thanks!

Sat, June 9, 2012 @ 6:55 AM

5. frelayloabe wrote:
Google change in algorith killed proxies providers business Days ago a change in Google search engine platform make anonymous public proxies, almost useless. Most blog posting tools depend on proxies to do their job. We build and provide the best raw anonymous public proxies you can find. Follow the link and grab Pack 1 of our famous elite http and socks proxies packages.

Thu, August 16, 2012 @ 8:27 AM

6. Debbi wrote:
This is a comment to the admin. Your website: is missing out on at least 300 visitors per day. I discovered this page via Google but it was hard to find as you were not on the front page of search results. I have found a website which offers to dramatically increase your traffic to your site: I managed to get over 10,000 visitors per month using their services, you could also get lot more targeted visitors than you have now. Hope this helps :) Take care.

Wed, October 10, 2012 @ 6:59 AM

7. Elijah Taylor  wrote:
Great bolg, but if you are looking for ways to earn money Click Here

Sat, December 15, 2012 @ 8:24 AM

8. Daniel Ava  wrote:
Great bolg, but if you are looking for ways to earn money Click Here

Mon, December 17, 2012 @ 1:50 PM

9. Michael Isabella  wrote:
Wonderful bolg, in case you are looking for methods to generate income Click Here

Mon, January 21, 2013 @ 1:37 PM

10. alma mm wrote:
As a Newbie, I'm always exploring online for articles that can be of assistance to me. Thank you

Thu, April 25, 2013 @ 1:17 PM

11. wrote:
Very good article. I absolutely love this website. Keep it up!

Mon, May 13, 2019 @ 3:21 PM

12. wrote:
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed
browsing your blog posts. After all I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write
again soon!

Sat, July 20, 2019 @ 10:40 PM

13. wrote:
It's in point of fact a nice and useful piece of
info. I am happy that you shared this useful info with
us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

Sat, November 9, 2019 @ 10:33 AM

Add a New Comment


Comment Guidelines: No HTML is allowed. Off-topic or inappropriate comments will be edited or deleted. Thanks.