Accepting necessary loss

Many of us did not get the love we needed from our parents when we were 6, 8, or 10 years old. We likely translated that that as there is something wrong with us- that we were deficient is some way. We say, "My own father was not able to love and accept me to be the way that I am."

We often try to resolve this by finding someone that was like that person, and try to get them to love us. This is the classic dating someone that is like a parent or ex and getting them to love us. We figure this will give us reconciliation. It proves we are lovable, right?!

It is a great idea that simply does not work. I might even find someone exactly like my mother, father, or ex and get them to love me. They could love and accept me with all their heart. But it will never feel like it did when I was 6,8, or 10. Or 23 for that matter. I am different now. The person that I was is no longer around. It does not feel the same. I do not have the same perspective or point of reference.

So how do you resolve it? You accept necessary loss. You accept the fact that you did not get the love you needed from your parent when you were 6, 8, and 10. You feel it. Then we realize that it was not about you. There was nothing about you that made that person not love you. They were not simply not able to love you at the time.

And that is very sad. But, it does not mean that you are unlovable.

Once we accept necessary loss, we can cease interacting with emotionally unavailable that are like our parent or ex and start interacting with people who are able to love us.

2 comments (Add your own)

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Tue, December 6, 2011 @ 3:49 PM

2. Jaycee wrote:
Deadly accaurte answer. You've hit the bullseye!

Wed, January 16, 2013 @ 10:58 PM

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